Much of my anxiety is a head
game. Someone asks me to do something, or tells me to do something,
or encourages me to do something and I respond: “I can't.”
I don't always respond to
them verbally, but even if I only think “I can't,” it is
debilitating.
“I can't.” Not even “I
won't.” “I can't.”
If it were “I won't”
then it would be a choice, either laziness or assertiveness, but my
decision.
“I can't” is saying it's
not my choice, that it's out of my hands, that I'm doomed, fated to
what I am.
While meditating I was
thinking about the opposite of “I can't”: “I can.”
“I can” is pregnant with
possibility. It's not quite as dominant as “I will” (the opposite
of “I won't”) but it's quite powerful in its own right. I
realized that so much of my anxiety is saying “I can't,” and
believing it! Then someone says “do this,” and I think, “I
can't,” and this thought pulls me in the opposite direction of
where that person is leading me. It's a tug of war
that causes much unneeded stress, fear, worry, instability,
uncertainty, anger, and guilt.
It creates pain in the
brain. But when I exclaim, “I can,” I may not ever do the
thing in question, but I no longer feel the pain. I am free.
I also realized (though I'm
not going to take credit for it, because any cognitive psychologist
should be able to tell you the same thing) that the more I say “I
can't,” the more I won't. And the more I say “I can,” the more
I will. Each leads to its own conclusion, and giving up and saying “I
can't,” is like closing a million doors of possibility all at once.
“I can,” does not close doors. It may not necessarily shove me
through any (“I will” will do that), but it leaves all
opportunities open and acclimates me to facing the world.
This is the mind game then:
If I leave these doors open and believe that a thing is at least possible, it makes that thing easier, and therefore less daunting. If I close these doors, I must face
the reality that everything is too difficult—and so everything will
be daunting.
If this was advice to give I would say just this: “Do yourself a favor. You don't have
to go through any of these doorways, but at least don't close the
doors. Don't lock yourself out of life. Don't give up. Keep the door
open, even if it's only ajar, and wait. Practice, repeat over and
over that you can, and wait. Sooner or later an opportunity will
arise that you will want to take advantage of, an opportunity
that you would be forced to miss if you closed any one of these
doors.”
I of course need no guinea
pig for this. I have myself. The advice is for me. But take it if you
want it. I bet it will work for many things, not just anxiety. Leave
these doors open in your education, in your vocation, in your
personal life.
Live as if all the world is
your playground.
Posts
If a door can be a jar, you can be anything....
ReplyDeletej/k. Nice piece!
Heh, thank you. Very clever :D
DeleteIts all in that tiny mind.. 3 pounds
ReplyDeleteof the most complex material we’ve discovered
in the universe..
As James Allen says-
The visions you glorify in your mind,
The ideals you enthrone in your heart..
This you will build your life by...
This you will become...
These thoughts remind me of the best children's book ever written: The Little Engine That Could!
ReplyDeleteOne of my all-time favorites!
DeleteMaybe it made a bigger impact on me than I suspect? ;)
Will take that advice. I'm still fighting the battle against fear. Wide open spaces, leaving the door open - that's a lot of possibility and excitement - but there are times when I still can't shake that awful feeling that I might not be up to it. Bad....
ReplyDeleteTake the plunge anyway and find out if you're up to it or not :)
DeleteSurprise yourself!
I agree that it's a mind game.I have discovered a lot of things I could actually do because I believed I could. There's a wonderful feeling that comes with it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! There is power in positive thinking! (And negative thinking does indeed pull one down)! Since we were born we have all encountered more negatives than positive, so it is a constant battle. We have to at least push ourselves forward with 'I can.' I agree that it does make you free to say 'I can.' Now, just to remind ourselves to do it all the time! The mind is a powerful tool, if only we would use it to its full capacity! Take care!
ReplyDeleteI am now at a very decisive stage in life and the words "i can't" are trying to stop me from doing what I have to do. I needed to read this post. I need to convince myself that I can and that I will
ReplyDelete