Showing posts with label writer's block. Show all posts

Full on Writer Mode


I have not blogged for a while—not for a month, obviously—but that is not an indication of a fallow field. I have been hard at work, spending March working on three short stories, getting rough drafts completed (coals for the fire).

Two of these were stories I had written as a teenager, and the third is from a couple of years ago. I rewrote them, and I hope to revise and publish them in the next month or two, except that, as it seems things are going now, plans are meant to be abandoned. At any rate, I find it enjoyable to rewrite old ideas, because I'm such a better writer now than I was, I can see these ideas made into something worth reading.

As for my novel, when I began working on “Sacrifice” in November of last year I had intended to do a draft every two months. Well, six months later I'm just now beginning to take notes on the rough draft. But I am doing so, so there's hope for me yet.

There are several reasons why it's taken longer than I expected, nor am I upset that it has. I believe that any effort I expend kicking myself for not having something finished is effort being wasted. I must put that energy into writing. Sometimes it turns out that taking a little longer at something just means it's a better project. I wrote things in February and March that I would not have thought to write in December or January, and the story is better for not having been finished until later.

The first reason it took so long was because the novel was much longer than I envisioned. 70,000 words turned into 100,000 words.

Another reason is that I took a few weeks off from writing to spend time with my father, and I can easily file that under “Tao of Anxiety.”

I can't say that I hit a writer's block in the last six months, because I didn't, but I did not write as much as I could have. I stayed around 1,000 to 2,000 words a day (an hour or so of work), a respectable figure, but far from the 5,000 words a day I was getting in the last couple of weeks of March on my short stories.

I've also been working more on other things, like overcoming anxiety, exercising, and struggling to learn Spanish, rather than putting all my eggs in my writing basket.

Those days are over. Now I'm putting my writing cap on, and it turns out it's a space helmet. I'm going to the edge of my universe with this.

I've upped the amount of time each day I spend writing. Instead of an hour or two, I'm pushing for three and four hours a day. This means I'm writing 5,000+ words and am able, as I did today, to read through 10% of my novel and take notes (and brainstorm).

My mantra can be “I can sleep when I'm dead.” I'm on a mission, and that's to publish the three short stories and the novel I'm working on right now. No matter what!

I'm motivated, and I am not going to hide behind the perfectionism or fear of success that I've hid behind before.

Expect more blog posts from me, too.

There's a new sheriff in town, and he doesn't appreciate loitering, ha!

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Thinking About Writing...More


From now on (for the rest of 2013, or at least for the foreseeable future) I'm going to put more effort into marketing my writing. This means I need to put my marketing cap on top of my writing cap and my research and development cap on top of both of them because I'm going to have to dig deep and come up with creative ways to get people interested in what I write.

I know one thing. The best marketing tool I have access to is my own writing, so my focus will be to publish some of my short stories and novellas, the shorter works I have piled up over the years. Can I? Hm...time will tell. Novels are time consuming but easy for me to write. The shorter the work, the more my perfectionism gets in the way, the harder they are to write, edit, and publish.

On top of this, one of the challenges I've had in getting my second novel done (book #2 in the Czar Chronicles) is that I get so easily distracted by other things. I also write in cycles. I sometimes am able to focus on one thing at a time, and at other times I don't necessarily have the focus for one project, but can effectively divide my time on various stories. If I choose to do that, I must make certain that I finish these other projects in a timely fashion, otherwise I risk divorcing myself from my top priority without anything to show for it.

Strangely, last year at almost this time I began to have the same feeling of “do something else for a change.” I've been at my novel since October, about the same time I started writing in 2011. I can give one project a few good months before I get worn out. The creativity isn't gone, but it needs something else to express itself through.

(I wrote heavily on “Rising” from November 2011 until February 2012 before I got sidetracked by something else. I've written on “Sacrifice from October 2012 until January 2013, before I felt it would be good to change gears. I'm seeing a pattern.)

As I near the end of this novel's rough draft, I'm getting antsy about the second draft. I will inevitably need a break between drafts anyway, so I am going to dust off a ghost story I had written last year, and go at it with a new ferocity. It has the potential to be a fantastic novella, and in rewriting it, I will brush the rust off my rewriting skills. It's been a long time since I worked a second draft. Almost a whole year!

Then there's the time I spend writing. I feel like I can do more. I have worked an hour or two almost every day for the last few months, and I feel confident that I can bump this up a bit, maybe even double it. I can use some of this time for my novel, some for shorter works, some for blogging, some for getting my name out there. I feel more confident now than I was at the end of last year, and feel capable of handling the increased workload.

Does it sound like a plan?

I learned a lot last year, about managing my time, about how not to get stressed out. I feel I can apply these lessons going forward and avoid some of the pitfalls I experienced last year. 2012 was productive, despite not having written for most of the Summer. I think I'm ready now to treat writing like a job again.

And in doing that I must remember one important fact:

Work is play.

I must not forget my overall priority, that I enjoy writing, that writing is fun, that I write because I feel good writing...and not get confused by goals, by the future, by publishing a bunch of stories or getting rich, because none of these things can stand up against what is happening right now on the page, and if I focus on the current story I will find satisfaction and fulfillment in writing, but if I start thinking about sales and money and publication, I'm going to get depressed and lost in abstractions. 

I do not want to get stressed out writing stories. If I'm getting stressed out then I won't want to write stories any longer. I need to take risks, take on a little more responsibility, but balance that with a point of view that writing is really still just a hobby of mine, something I enjoy immensely. Somehow I must write more and take the business side of writing seriously, without applying so much pressure on myself that I begin to think I'm a "writer" in the sense that this is now the only thing I can do in life. That's a daunting idea, and one I will try to avoid any way I can. It'll almost seem like magic to do so, but if I can do so, in a few more months readers will have some very interesting and fun stories to read in their spare time.

Sometimes I am the biggest challenge facing my own career. Perhaps I'm always the biggest challenge. But it's a challenge I'm familiar with and know. In that I'm lucky.

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Update and Second Novel

November 1 is getting closer and that was the date I had set to start working on the second novel of the Czar Chronicles. I really burned myself out writing the first novel in only a few months. Writing, rewriting, editing, and publishing it wore me out and it's taken a long time to recover, if I am recovered.

I think I'm ready to try again, with a few adjustments. I have a good idea of what I can and should expect from myself, and that does not include pushing myself through a crucible of fire just to get a novel finished.

This time around I'm taking a slower approach...but not a slow one.

Rising, the second novel of the Czar Chronicles, will, with consistent effort, be done and published by June 1, 2013. Whether life events or writer's block gets in the way won't matter. I will not rush it. If I'm not done by December of next year, so be it, but I won't stress myself out about it. A novel every two years is still an excellent goal to strive for.

I'm going to keep myself on track with a few short-term goals.

1 chapter a day.
5 chapters a week.
15 chapters a month.

And then 1 draft every two months.

What do I expect of myself during this period?

The first and most important thing is focus. I got sidetracked by a few things over the last year that I don't want to get sidetracked by again. While I work on Sacrifice, I want to work only on Sacrifice. No other projects, but a dedicated focus to the project at hand.

I will blog, but the majority of my posts will be about my novel, or writing in general and marketing.

I will work harder to market both Sacrifice and Rising. Hopefully I will find some courage to do an interview or two or a guest post here and there. The marketing I had been doing earlier this year really fell off the table, and I can't imagine I've made many sales since then. I do not feel that I'm doing myself, the writing, or anyone who might like to read either book justice by not getting my work out there the best that I can.

So for the next 8 months I'll be wearing my writer's cap. I'll be in writing mode. I'll do my thing.

Good luck to me, huh?

And good luck to anyone else going down this road. It's a lot of fun to write, and it's a big challenge to publish, but rewarding.

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Motivation and Literary+



Lest we forget that this is a writing blog:

I wrote over 1,200 words today, not including this blog post, and not including the paper I'm about to edit for my girlfriend. It was fiction that I wrote. I enjoyed it very much.

Today is the first day this month that I've written anything, and in June, the writing was sporadic at best. In my experience, when I feel fulfilled in other areas of my life, I write less, and even develop writer's block, because satisfaction is a poor motivator. When I'm dissatisfied, hurt, wanting, the writing is incredible. I spent the last couple of weeks in an emotional slump, so hopefully the writing will be picking up, but I won't hold my breath.

I'm at a stage right now where I don't need writing like I did 6 months ago, when I was working 8 hours a day on my novel. I've made my priorities elsewhere, have found satisfaction in other things than the written word. I can't say it's what I wanted. Last November I wanted to stick to this incarnation of my writing career. I wanted to push past the boundaries, the limits that have always held me back.

I have gone through several phases through the years, none of them materially successful, but all rewarding in their own way. I edited a couple of e-zines, made one into a paying market. I had a semi-successful anxiety blog that is still out there, hopefully helping someone somewhere. I've written several unfinished novels, many short stories, tried my hand at writing internet articles (I absolutely hate doing that).

I don't know what it is about me. When I'm on I'm on fire. I'm the most motivated man in the world. When I'm off, nothing turns me back on. 

Am I too goal-oriented? 

Success in writing comes slowly. It comes to those who stick to their guns, but slowly, and it's rarely ever (almost never) the superstar success non-writers imagine it to be. If you write for the end, you're going to be in for disappointment. If you write for fun, putting blinders on so you don't pay attention to the material success that may come, not only will writing be incredibly rewarding emotionally, but the money to be made may make for a nice surprise.

So I'm going to regroup. I hid most of my current projects in a folder, and have just two things on my desktop that I want to work on. They're two short stories I am passionate about, but haven't approached because I've been writing other things, things farther from being finished. I want to get work out there. I want to get more stories published. That is my main “professional” goal. But short of that, I want to have fun. That means I must write what I feel like writing; finding the path of least resistance while still challenging myself.

~*~

Now I want to shine a light on something a friend of mine is doing. Shen Hart is working hard to bring together writers. The dream is simple: we will help one another.

We will help each other edit and market and do all the little things that writers need to do to find material success (and we deserve it, too!). Some of us are much better at certain skills than at others, and that holds us back in certain ways. Combining our efforts may help some of us break out.

I'm incredibly proud of Shen for doing this. It's something I've tried in the past and have given up on because I lacked her passion and I lacked the community that is Google+.

If you're interested in joining Literary+, I hope you will take the time to speak with Shen. Find out what we're up to, how we can help you and how can you help us.

Many writers are at different stages of our careers, with different talents and different needs. But each of us may fit in somewhere, benefiting from the community effort.

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The ABCs of Specific Goals


I practiced something in November, December, January, February, and March that I have not bothered with at all through April and May, and I feel that this is largely the difference in productivity in the first five months, and the lack of productivity in the last two months.

The difference is not the goals that I set, but how I've managed those goals. In other words, the goals are the same, but I've stopped making daily, specific to-do lists, have stopped biting off little chunks of each goal, and have settled for a more abstract direction.

It was “Do ABC for XYZ.”

Then it became only “Do XYZ.”

Without the specific goals (the ABC), I have had trouble understanding exactly what I need to do each day, and more often than not, I've done nothing.

Having future goals as opposed to present goals is important, but future goals are usually going to be more abstract. “Finish your novel” is not very concrete, whereas “Rewrite chapter 1 on Monday” feels specific and tangible. I can bite into it!

With nothing but abstract goals, I get lost, unsure of what to do, where to go, how to do what I need to do. Following daily, specific goals helps me break down the tasks and get to where I'm headed. Just checking off a list each day is a great motivation and provides the extra oomph! of feeling accomplished.

For the last two months I've only had the goal of getting a few stories and a few nonfiction books done. The deadline was by the end of this year. Very vague, of course. And as a result, I've managed to write one rough draft of one of the nonfiction books, and rewrite one short story, woeful production compared to what I was grinding out in December and January. 

In the first five months I managed to publish a novel, two short stories, posted blog posts regularly at three a week, and market all of that.

I at first thought this was due to the hangover of editing and publishing my first novel. But then something happened on Sunday. While meditating, I had ideas for several blog posts. I wrote them down in the form of a to-do list, and later that evening I wrote the rough drafts of those ideas, and managed to complete one other task besides.

Voila! I suddenly had one of the most successful and productive days in weeks, no longer struggling to figure out what to do. I had my work cut out for me, and with clear direction, I found the work easier.

The same happens when I write rough drafts or work on rewrites. If I have an outline to go by, some direction, I'm a much faster writer. I can then manage 5,000 words a day, sometimes even 10,000 words. Without a detailed outline, I can cover just 1,000 or 2,000 words in any given day.

This is a perfect example of my output for five months compared to the two. November through March were each “5,000 words a day” months. April and May have been “1,000 words a day” months. That's a 5:1 ratio. I was five times more productive then than I am now. Shocking!

And all because I was keeping specific goals. Hard to believe I can reach my destination faster with a map than without one, right?

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Writer's Block Mindset


I've been struggling with writer's block. Not a bad case, but enough to knock my motivation out. I'd rather be running, jamming on my guitar, or reading. The page looks intimidating and I'm unsure about my ability to tackle it.

I'm okay with mild cases of writer's block; for unlike the more severe, debilitating cases, I can handle these little munchkins.

What I usually find has happened to me when I'm like this is that I've fallen apart mentally. I've lost my perspective on things, on myself, on my art. There's nothing influencing me, no life changing factors, just my emotional landscape has become loose, like a wheel on a wagon after many miles of hard travel.

Writing is no longer fun because I'm no longer looking at it as fun. I don't come to it seeking enjoyment, but treat it as duty.

Writing seems too big, too much to handle, because I've lost sight of the moment. “Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves,” Joe Paterno often said. I'm trying to write entire stories in one sitting instead of peeling off a chapter, a page, or a paragraph at a time.

The passion for writing has waned because I'm no longer cultivating my passion for storytelling. I'm focused on other things (on playing my guitar, running, and reading other peoples' stories), and so I'm not laying the necessary groundwork needed to sit down and write my own. I have no fuel to burn.

These problems are fixable. The solutions are straight forward for me, painless really, for some of them apply to life outside of writing as well and even as I work them into my art I shall inevitably work them into my life.

The first solution is to let go; to simply “quit” trying to be perfect. It's my need to do things right that makes me want to do the whole story at once, and if I can't do that, then to not do it at all. Or write it perfectly, and if I cannot, to not write it at all. You can see how this “perfectionist” mindset may zap the fun out of something. Quitting and daring to make a mistake is cathartic.

Another way to combat mild writer's block is to give myself time, instead of a word count. If I can just sit down for X amount of minutes or hours, instead of trying to hit Y word count or Y pages or Y chapters, then much of the pressure to get something done evaporates. I'm no longer considering the end result, but am focused on the moment, on the time I have. I may not get anything done, but I won't beat myself up for it. And if I do get something done, it's a cherry.

Making time for writing is important, but it doesn't have to be a long time. When I'm in a funk like this it's probably better that it's not very long. Half an hour or an hour can be enough. Once I start I sometimes don't feel like stopping and I take advantage of that mood. It's less pressure on me.

The best thing I can do for myself when I can't write is to break the writing down into the smallest practical steps. Taking a story one paragraph at a time, a few hundred words at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, is essential to overcoming my current writer's block. This “staying in the moment” enables me to focus, not on the end product, but on what I'm writing. I don't have to pressure myself to be perfect, but dare to make mistakes, knowing that I can always rewrite chapters later. I often surprise myself, for when I relax enough to write, I relax enough to write well.

In the end the cause behind a mild case of writer's block like the one I am going through now is tension. I'm “pushing” when I don't have to. I don't feel like I'm doing enough so I try to do more, end up trying too hard, and don't do anything. Coming to the blank page feels like coming to a great battle, and without the courage to battle it out, I simply retreat.

It's easier to change my view on the blank page than it is to find the courage to win a war. The blank page is not my enemy, but my friend. It's not my destiny, but my joy. It's not my duty, but an hour to kill.

I write not because I have to, but because I want to.

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